Monday, March 24, 2008

to Be someone

I'm surfing on a different couch now, so I haven't had time to take pix for upload anything new. Of course, much has happened in this last week. I began work at the hospital in earnest, and it is actually quite rewarding. It's also kind of funny that part of my job is teaching people how to smile.

A few days ago I was walking toward Sanlitun, past the Worker's Stadium, feeling quite dejected. I'm suprised I haven't felt this way more, but being a big girl in the States...you can imagine, sometimes I feel like a behemoth here. Anyway, I passed these huge piles of windows, being ready to be put in some unsuspecting building and looked at my reflection- struggling with imperfection. All of a sudden I felt completely alone, like a little planet orbiting nothing, just drifting along by myself. A small sting of tears started in my eyes when the most incredible thing happened. Not a huge thing, but profound in it's relation to my little moment of self pity. I went to pass someone on the small sidewalk and he stopped, taking off the bandana covering his mouth and saying, "hey, I know you". It was the hot guy from the improv class two weeks ago. I actually ran into someone i know on the streets of Beijing. holy cow, then I put my iPod back on and the first words in my ear were from Tracy Chapman, "I have a feeling that I belong...I have a feeling I could be someone, be someone...be someone". I stopped in wonder at how blatant the universe can be sometimes when it tells you to "get over yourself" because you are definitely an important part of everything that is or will be. I turned the street corner and smiled at the world around me, happy as myself, with nothing to prove.

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